Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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