It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's official drugs can't kill me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
