My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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