I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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