I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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