The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
