i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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