SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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