from now on my penis is your penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
