so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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