Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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