i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
whose parrot is this?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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