You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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