dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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