How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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