is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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