I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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