had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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