Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
