Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
