at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
