just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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