I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
