He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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