Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize