would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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