Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize