Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
