I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
