Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it because I queefed?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
