I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
