Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can I color on your dick again?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
