I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
birth control should be required to get into college
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
