i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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