what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
