I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
