it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
