Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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