I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
