your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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