she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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