so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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