life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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