Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
