Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I smell stomach acid.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
