Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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