Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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