hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
