Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She bit a glass in half.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
