Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
