Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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