i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
