My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
