R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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