I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
