i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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