reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
