"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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